Student |
Subject |
Grade |
Class |
Words |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Anahi | English | 6 | 6A | 402 |
Essay Summary:
“Walk Two Moons” follows Sal as she copes with the loss of her family, particularly her mother. Sal faces social issues and loneliness, trying to connect with others while longing for her old life. Despite her struggles, Sal remains hopeful and determined to find her mother.
Essay Grade:
Rubric
| Criteria | Score | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Overall Development | 8 | The essay provides a good understanding of the main themes and character developments in “Walk Two Moons.” However, deeper analysis and reflection on the text’s messages could enhance the overall development. |
| Organization | 7 | The essay’s ideas are generally logically sequenced, but clearer transitions between paragraphs could improve readability and flow. |
| Support | 9 | Strong examples and details from the text are used to support the analysis, demonstrating a good grasp of the narrative and its implications. |
| Sentence Structure | 7 | While the essay includes a variety of sentence structures, further variation could enhance the flow and clarity of the writing. |
| Word Choice | 8 | The language used conveys ideas effectively, though more precise and vivid language could improve the essay’s impact. |
| Mechanics | 8 | The response is mostly free of errors in grammar, punctuation, and spelling, with minor mistakes that do not significantly hinder comprehension. |
| Use of Text Evidence | 9 | Textual evidence is well-selected and supports the analysis effectively, though integrating additional quotes could strengthen the argument. |
Total Score: 56/70
Suggestions for Improvement of Structure, Grammar, Vocabulary, Content Length, and Tone
- Improve transitions between paragraphs to enhance the essay’s flow and coherence.
- Increase the variety of sentence structures to keep the reader engaged and clarify complex ideas.
- Use more precise and vivid language to more effectively convey your analysis and reflections on the text.
- Consider expanding the essay with more detailed analysis or additional examples from the text to deepen the exploration of themes.
- Review and correct minor grammatical and spelling errors to polish the essay.
Suggestions for Topic-Related Improvements
- Deepen the analysis of Sal’s character development and how her experiences shape her understanding of loss and identity.
- Explore the significance of Sal’s relationships with other characters, such as Phoebe, and how these relationships impact her journey.
- Consider discussing the symbolism and themes in the novel more thoroughly, such as the significance of the title “Walk Two Moons.”
- Reflect on the narrative structure of the book and how it contributes to the themes of the story and the reader’s understanding of Sal’s experiences.
Essay:
The book “Walk two moons” is a story where the main character is Sal. She moved from Ohio to kentucky. As The story develops we can see that the thing that affects Sal is the loss of her family. We can see how she feels when she loses her mother and all the problems she has. In the story they show us how Sal has different problems like social issues, because of the loss of people that is really important for her. An example we can see is “ I had decided to go and I would go, and I had to be there by my mother’s birthday. This was extremely important. I believed that there was any chance to bring my mother back home. It would happened on her birthday.” In this paragraph we see how Sal is still thinking that she can find her mother. This shows us how she never stops thinking about her.
As we see Sal does not have only one problem. Sal has a lot of problems not only with the loss but social issues. When she moves to a new neighborhood, she meets Phoebe and Sal wants to be her friend. However Phoebe is not sure about her because of Sal’s family’s problems. Sal tries to connect with Phoebe and show’s that she really wants her friendship. An example is: “On the day that Phoebe sat next to me at lunch and told me I was brave, she invited me to her house for dinner. To be honest, I was relieved that I would not have to eat at Margaret’s again. I did not want to see Dad and Margaret smiling at each other.”
Throughout the story, we can see that Sal spent most of her time alone. When her mother got missing Sal felt abandoned and lost. She had her father and her grandfather but she felt empty and sad because of the need of her mother. Also Sal feels lonely because she misses her old life. An example is: “My father started chipping away at a plaster wall in the living room of our house in Bybanks shortly after my mother left us one April morning. Our house was an old farmhouse that my parents had been restoring, room by room. Each night as he waited as he hear from my mother, he chipped away at that wall”