Student |
Subject |
Grade |
Class |
Words |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Anahi | English | 6 | 6A | 402 |
Essay Summary:
“Walk Two Moons” follows Sal, who moves to Kentucky and grapples with the loss of her family, particularly her missing mother. Sal faces social issues and loneliness, trying to connect with others like Phoebe. Despite having her father and grandfather, Sal feels empty without her mother and longs for her old life.
Essay Grade:
Rubric
| Criteria | Score | Explanation |
|---|---|---|
| Overall Development | 7 | The essay demonstrates an understanding of the book’s themes, particularly focusing on loss and its impact on Sal. However, deeper analysis and reflection on these themes could enhance the overall development. |
| Organization | 8 | The essay is organized with a clear focus on Sal’s experiences and challenges. Transitions between ideas are mostly smooth, but further refinement could improve readability. |
| Support | 7 | Textual evidence is used to support the analysis, but the essay would benefit from more detailed examples and a closer examination of how these examples support the thesis. |
| Sentence Structure | 7 | There is some variety in sentence structure, but the essay could be enhanced by incorporating more complex and varied sentences to improve flow and readability. |
| Word Choice | 7 | The essay uses appropriate language to convey ideas, but the use of more precise and vivid vocabulary could strengthen the expression of these ideas. |
| Mechanics | 4 | There are several grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors that detract from the clarity and professionalism of the essay. |
| Use of Text Evidence | 8 | The essay includes relevant textual evidence to support its analysis. However, integrating additional quotes and a deeper exploration of their significance could further strengthen the argument. |
Total Score: 48/60
Suggestions for Improvement of Structure, Grammar, Vocabulary, Content Length, and Tone
- Consider organizing your essay with a clearer introduction, body, and conclusion structure to enhance coherence.
- Proofread for grammatical, punctuation, and spelling errors to improve the overall quality of your writing.
- Increase the use of vivid and precise vocabulary to more effectively convey your analysis and reflections.
- Expand your essay by incorporating more detailed analysis and reflection to meet content length expectations and deepen your exploration of the themes.
- Adopt a more formal tone by avoiding casual language and focusing on analytical language.
Suggestions for Topic-Related Improvements
- Deepen your analysis of Sal’s character development and how her experiences shape her understanding of loss and identity.
- Include more textual evidence to support your analysis, ensuring to explain the significance of each quote in relation to your thesis.
- Explore the relationships between characters more thoroughly, particularly how these relationships impact Sal’s journey and growth.
- Consider the broader themes of the book, such as the significance of journey and discovery, and integrate these into your analysis.
Essay:
The book “Walk two moons” is a story where the main character is Sal. She moved from Ohio to kentucky. As The story develops we can see that the thing that affects Sal is the loss of her family. We can see how she feels when she loses her mother and all the problems she has. In the story they show us how Sal has different problems like social issues, because of the loss of people that is really important for her. An example we can see is “ I had decided to go and I would go, and I had to be there by my mother’s birthday. This was extremely important. I believed that there was any chance to bring my mother back home. It would happened on her birthday.” In this paragraph we see how Sal is still thinking that she can find her mother. This shows us how she never stops thinking about her.
As we see Sal does not have only one problem. Sal has a lot of problems not only with the loss but social issues. When she moves to a new neighborhood, she meets Phoebe and Sal wants to be her friend. However Phoebe is not sure about her because of Sal’s family’s problems. Sal tries to connect with Phoebe and show’s that she really wants her friendship. An example is: “On the day that Phoebe sat next to me at lunch and told me I was brave, she invited me to her house for dinner. To be honest, I was relieved that I would not have to eat at Margaret’s again. I did not want to see Dad and Margaret smiling at each other.”
Throughout the story, we can see that Sal spent most of her time alone. When her mother got missing Sal felt abandoned and lost. She had her father and her grandfather but she felt empty and sad because of the need of her mother. Also Sal feels lonely because she misses her old life. An example is: “My father started chipping away at a plaster wall in the living room of our house in Bybanks shortly after my mother left us one April morning. Our house was an old farmhouse that my parents had been restoring, room by room. Each night as he waited as he hear from my mother, he chipped away at that wall”