Growing up in Willimantic, Connecticut, my family owned a Chinese restaurant called Peking House. My brother and I spent countless hours in a back room we called “the office,” which was actually a storage space where we kept our gaming systems. Our favorite game was Super Smash Brothers Melee, an older fighting game for the Nintendo GameCube. We played so much that we even challenged restaurant customers to matches. Eventually, my friends convinced me to join a local tournament, where I placed 13th out of 33 participants. Not the best, but it was a start.
As I trained with more experienced players and studied matches online, I began traveling to national tournaments. By the age of 17, I was exploring the United States, all thanks to a video game. This was my introduction to the competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee community, a world I’ve been part of for nearly a decade.
When you think of competitive gaming, you might picture people hunched over laptops. While that’s sometimes true, the Smash Brothers Melee scene is unique. Since it’s an older game, it requires large, boxy TVs, and dedicated players even bring these TVs on flights as carry-ons. The community is incredibly diverse. For instance, at Apex, an annual tournament in New Jersey, over 1,500 people from 16 different countries participated in 2013. If people are flying from 16 countries to New Jersey, it speaks volumes about the community’s appeal.
In the gaming world, I was known by my gamer tag “_milktea,” but in real life, I was just Lilian. At 17, I was shy and often bullied at school for being different. My classmates mocked my clothes and asked me out as a joke. However, as “_milktea,” I found a welcoming community. Despite this, there was a noticeable lack of women in the scene, which skewed social dynamics. I didn’t understand why I received so much attention, but it was better than the negativity I faced at school.
Over time, I encountered unkind comments and began internalizing these attitudes, which led me to distance myself from the community. A few years later, I moved to New York City for my first job and realized that sexist behavior didn’t have to be the norm. Despite this realization, I remained quiet and withdrawn, avoiding public speaking.
However, a comment on my feed sparked a change. I began writing blog posts about my experiences and the issues I faced in the gaming community. To my surprise, these posts went viral. A well-known fighting game website featured one of my posts, and later, Polygon, a gaming site, covered my work.
This led to the creation of The New Meta, a panel I co-founded and moderated with the NYU Game Center. We invited women from various gaming communities to discuss sexism in gaming. Our goal was to raise awareness without shaming male gamers. I realized I had internalized sexist attitudes against my own gender. It’s easy to become accustomed to harmful behaviors when immersed in a particular environment.
Empathizing with gamers is more effective than dismissing them. Initiate conversations and deconstruct these behaviors without an accusatory tone. If I had been dismissed as a sexist, I wouldn’t be sharing my story today. To my surprise, I found that people were willing to change and wanted to help.
This experience taught me that silence only perpetuates sexism in gaming. No one is perfect, and it’s easy to internalize biases. By speaking up, you encourage yourself and others to reevaluate their actions and perceptions. Everyone has a voice, and it’s crucial to use it responsibly. Not only can you inspire change, but you can also empower others to do the same. Thank you.
(Applause)
Write a reflective journal entry about your personal experiences with gaming or any other community where you felt like an outsider. Consider how empathy could have changed your experience. Share your thoughts with a peer and discuss how empathy can be a tool for change.
Create an empathy map for a character in the gaming community, such as a female gamer facing sexism. Identify what they might say, think, feel, and do. Use this map to brainstorm ways to foster a more inclusive environment in gaming or other communities you are part of.
Participate in a role-playing exercise where you take on different roles within the gaming community, such as a tournament organizer, a new player, or a seasoned competitor. Explore how each role can contribute to addressing sexism and promoting empathy.
Organize a mock panel discussion similar to “The New Meta.” Invite classmates to represent different perspectives within the gaming community. Discuss challenges and solutions related to sexism and empathy, aiming to raise awareness and propose actionable changes.
Write a blog post about a personal or observed experience with sexism or bias in any community. Focus on how empathy can be used to address these issues. Share your post with classmates and engage in a constructive discussion about the impact of sharing personal stories.
Sure! Here’s a sanitized version of the transcript, removing any inappropriate language and comments while maintaining the core message:
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Peking House is my family-owned Chinese restaurant in Willimantic, Connecticut, where I spent nearly 20 years growing up before we sold it. My brother and I spent most of our time in a room in the back called “the office.” “The office” was really just a storage room, but it had our gaming systems, and the game that we played the most was called Super Smash Brothers Melee. For those who don’t know, Super Smash Brothers Melee is an older fighting game made for the Nintendo GameCube. My brother and I spent hours playing this game, so much that we even challenged restaurant customers to matches. Eventually, my friends dragged me out to a local tournament, where I ended up placing 13th out of 33. Not bad, but definitely far from the best. After training with higher-level players and taking notes on matches I found online, I started to travel to national tournaments, and before I knew it, I was being whisked around the United States at the age of 17, all because of a video game. Totally living the dream life, right? This is how I ran headfirst into the competitive Super Smash Brothers Melee community, a scene that I’ve been a part of for nearly ten years.
I’m sure that when I say competitive gaming, you might be imagining a room of people hunched over their laptops. Sometimes it can look like that, but more often it looks something like this. Because Smash Brothers Melee is such an old game, it requires those big, boxy TVs to be played on. Our players are so dedicated that they will actually bring these things onto their flights as carry-ons. The community is also incredibly diverse. This is a photo of Apex, an annual tournament held in New Jersey. In 2013, over 1500 people showed up from 16 different countries. I feel like if 16 countries are flying out to New Jersey, that’s saying something.
In the gaming community, I was known by my gamer tag “_milktea,” but in real life, I was still very much just Lilian. When I was 17, I was shy and quiet, and I was often bullied by my classmates for being different. Some of them made fun of the clothes I wore. Others asked me out on dates as a joke. But when I was “_milktea,” I was part of a community that welcomed and accepted me. However, there was a noticeable lack of women in the scene. When the gender imbalance is this large, social dynamics can become a bit skewed. At the time, I didn’t understand why I was getting this attention. I just knew that it was so much better than what I was dealing with at school.
But then, things took a turn. I began to see comments that were less than kind. Over the years, I started internalizing these attitudes, and I took them out on other women in the community. I felt my voice shrinking and resentment growing inside of me, and eventually, I distanced myself from the Smash community altogether.
Fast forward a few years. I landed my first job in New York City. There, I realized that sexist behavior didn’t have to be the norm. But nevertheless, I stayed quiet and withdrawn. Public speaking? Never going to happen. But then, a comment appeared in my feed that sparked something in me. I started writing blog posts that talked about my experiences and issues I had faced within the community, and to my surprise, they went viral within our scene. A well-known fighting game website picked up one of my posts, and later on, Polygon, a gaming site, covered my future work.
All of this led to the creation of The New Meta, a panel that I co-founded and moderated with the NYU Game Center. We brought in many women from different gaming communities to talk about issues of sexism within gaming. The entire panel’s point was to raise awareness in a way that did not shame male gamers. As a woman, I realized that I had internalized sexist attitudes against my own gender. Sometimes, when you’ve been immersed in an environment for long enough, it can be hard to differentiate between harmful behaviors and normal ones. While some gamers are intentionally malicious, some may not even realize that they’re perpetuating sexist behaviors in the first place.
Empathizing with these gamers is more productive than outright dismissing them. Initiate a conversation. Deconstruct these behaviors, no matter how obvious they might seem to you. And please, leave the accusatory tone behind. If I had been dismissed as a sexist, I wouldn’t be on this stage talking to you right now. To my surprise, I found that people were willing to change, and they wanted to help.
This entire experience has shown me that my silence only further enabled sexism within gaming. Nobody is perfect. Internalizing biases and becoming lost in them is deceptively easy. By being vocal, you force yourself and those around you to reevaluate their actions and perceptions. Everyone in this room has a voice. You have to use it, and you have to use it responsibly. Not only can you provoke change, but you can empower others to do so, too. Thank you.
(Applause)
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This version maintains the essence of the original message while removing inappropriate comments and language.
Sexism – Prejudice or discrimination based on a person’s sex or gender, often manifesting in social, economic, or political inequalities. – The university’s social studies department hosted a seminar on sexism to address gender disparities in the workplace.
Gaming – The act of playing electronic games, often involving interaction with a user interface to generate visual feedback. – Researchers are exploring how gaming can be used as a tool for developing critical thinking skills in educational settings.
Community – A group of people living in the same place or having a particular characteristic in common, often linked by social ties and shared interests. – The sociology class examined how digital platforms have transformed the concept of community in the modern world.
Empathy – The ability to understand and share the feelings of another, often considered essential for effective communication and social interaction. – Developing empathy is crucial for students studying international relations to better understand global conflicts.
Awareness – Knowledge or perception of a situation or fact, often leading to a deeper understanding of complex social issues. – Increasing awareness about climate change is a key objective of the environmental studies curriculum.
Biases – Inclinations or prejudices for or against one person or group, especially in a way considered to be unfair. – The psychology course focused on identifying and mitigating biases in decision-making processes.
Conversations – Informal exchanges of ideas by spoken words, often serving as a means of sharing information and perspectives. – Engaging in meaningful conversations about cultural diversity can enhance students’ critical thinking abilities.
Dynamics – The forces or properties that stimulate growth, development, or change within a system or process. – Understanding the dynamics of social movements is essential for students studying political science.
Change – The process through which something becomes different, often involving transformation or adaptation in social contexts. – The history lecture focused on the change in societal norms over the past century.
Experiences – Practical contact with and observation of facts or events, often contributing to personal growth and understanding. – Students are encouraged to reflect on their experiences during internships to gain insights into their future careers.
