ClassX Video Lessons How to overcome social anxiety and bring more confidence to your conversations | Andrew Horn
We’ve all been in social settings where we feel like everyone is watching us. Whether it’s at a bar or a party, this awareness can make us feel self-conscious and anxious. This article will guide you on how to navigate social interactions confidently by focusing on being true to yourself instead of seeking approval from others.
Social anxiety often arises from the fear of being judged negatively. When we act based on what we think others will like, we become insecure and doubtful. To overcome this, ask yourself: Am I doing this because I want to, or because I think others will like it? By focusing on what you truly want, you can reduce anxiety and feel more confident in conversations.
Your authentic voice represents your true self—your beliefs, interests, and values. To develop this voice, it’s important to understand who you are. Acting from this internal perspective means you’re less likely to seek approval from others, allowing you to engage more genuinely in social situations.
To find your authentic voice, ask yourself courageous questions like:
These questions help you understand yourself better and build deeper connections with others. Remember how good it felt when someone asked you a thoughtful question and truly listened? That’s the power of inquiry in conversation.
Before entering a social situation, think about what you’re most excited to learn about the people you’ll meet. This reflection helps you establish what I call the Curiosity Compass—a set of genuine questions you want to ask others. By focusing on being interested rather than trying to be interesting, you can ease social pressure and engage more comfortably.
Along with your curiosity compass, develop a list of go-to questions—three to five questions you can use in various social situations. Examples include:
Having these questions ready allows you to navigate conversations smoothly, much like how a skilled athlete reacts instinctively in their sport.
Another effective strategy for improving your conversational skills is the Golden Rule of Questions: ask others the types of questions you would like to be asked yourself. By identifying topics you enjoy discussing, you can create more engaging dialogues that reflect your authentic interests.
By focusing on your authentic voice and using strategies like the curiosity compass and the golden rule of questions, you can transform your social interactions. Embrace the courage to ask meaningful questions and engage with others genuinely, leading to more fulfilling conversations and connections.
Take some time to write a journal entry focusing on your recent social interactions. Reflect on moments where you felt most authentic and those where you felt the need to seek approval. Analyze what triggered these feelings and how you can align more with your true self in future interactions.
Pair up with a classmate and create role-playing scenarios where you practice using your authentic voice. One person can act as a new acquaintance, while the other practices asking courageous questions and using their curiosity compass. Switch roles and provide feedback to each other.
Form small groups and discuss the courageous questions listed in the article. Share your answers with each other and explore how these questions can deepen your understanding of yourself and others. Reflect on how these discussions make you feel more connected and authentic.
Organize a workshop where you create your own curiosity compass. Identify topics you are genuinely interested in and develop a list of go-to questions. Share your compass with peers and practice using it in a mock social setting to see how it changes your interaction dynamics.
Engage in a peer feedback session where you discuss your experiences of using the golden rule of questions. Share examples of questions that led to meaningful conversations and receive constructive feedback on how to improve your questioning techniques to better reflect your authentic interests.
Social Anxiety – A psychological condition characterized by an intense fear of social situations, leading to significant distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. – During the group presentation, her social anxiety made it difficult for her to speak in front of the class.
Authentic Voice – The genuine expression of one’s thoughts and feelings, often reflecting one’s true self and values in communication. – In her essay, she used her authentic voice to convey her personal experiences and insights.
Self-Conscious – Excessively aware of oneself, especially in a social context, often leading to feelings of awkwardness or embarrassment. – He felt self-conscious about his accent when speaking in the seminar, worrying about how others might perceive him.
Courageous Questions – Inquiries that challenge assumptions and encourage deeper understanding, often requiring bravery to ask. – The professor encouraged students to ask courageous questions that would provoke thoughtful discussion and exploration of the topic.
Curiosity Compass – A metaphorical guide driven by one’s innate desire to learn and explore new ideas and experiences. – Her curiosity compass led her to enroll in diverse courses, broadening her academic horizons.
Engaging Dialogues – Conversations that are interactive, stimulating, and hold the interest of the participants, often leading to meaningful exchanges. – The workshop focused on techniques for creating engaging dialogues that foster collaboration and innovation.
Meaningful Questions – Questions that elicit thoughtful responses and contribute to a deeper understanding of the subject matter. – By asking meaningful questions, the researcher was able to gain valuable insights into the participants’ experiences.
Social Interactions – The process by which individuals act and react in relation to others, often involving communication and exchange of information. – Positive social interactions can enhance one’s sense of belonging and improve mental health.
Confidence – A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of their own abilities or qualities. – Her confidence in public speaking grew as she practiced regularly and received constructive feedback.
Approval – The belief that someone or something is good or acceptable, often leading to a sense of validation. – Seeking approval from peers can influence one’s behavior and decision-making processes.
