Many challenges in our personal and professional lives stem from a curious aspect of our minds: the tendency to be “out of touch with our feelings.” This might sound odd or even offensive at first. How could we not know what we’re feeling? Although we seem like unified beings, our mental life is more intricate, consisting of at least two distinct parts: the Feeling Self and the Observer Self.
The Feeling Self is the part of us that experiences emotions, while the Observer Self is responsible for recognizing and articulating these emotions. Sometimes, these two selves work in harmony. For example, when deciding what to eat, the communication is clear and immediate. However, there are times when the Observer Self struggles to accurately report our feelings, leading to unexpected emotional outbursts or crises.
One reason for this disconnect is social conditioning. From a young age, we are subtly taught which feelings are acceptable and which are not. Historically, boys were discouraged from crying, while girls were steered away from certain ambitions. Although these prohibitions may seem outdated, modern equivalents still exist. We might believe that no decent person should be overly enthusiastic about making money or that it’s unacceptable to still be upset over a breakup years later.
When difficult feelings threaten to surface, the Observer Self often becomes frightened and turns away. Instead of acknowledging our true emotions, we might numb ourselves or present a more socially acceptable version of our feelings. This repression can lead to numerous issues, as unacknowledged feelings don’t simply vanish. They linger and manifest in other ways, such as spite, aggression, or even physical symptoms like facial twitches or insomnia.
To become more adept at observing our feelings, reading can be incredibly beneficial. Great writers often delve into the less discussed and seemingly peculiar aspects of the human psyche, offering insights into our own emotions. Additionally, dedicating time to self-observation is crucial. Taking moments to reflect, perhaps with a pad and pen, allows the Observer Self to catch up with feelings that might have been too shy or ashamed to surface during the day.
Understanding the gap between “what we feel” and “what we’re aware of” also helps us empathize with others. People often say things that don’t align with their true feelings, and recognizing this can foster compassion and forgiveness. While not all feelings should be acted upon, ignoring or denying them entirely can lead to negative consequences. By correctly labeling and addressing our own and others’ emotions, we can mitigate their hidden influence on our lives.
In conclusion, one of the key arts of living is learning to acknowledge and embrace our neglected feelings. By doing so, we not only improve our own mental well-being but also enhance our relationships with others. Embracing emotional honesty allows us to live more authentically and compassionately, reducing the turmoil caused by being out of touch with our feelings.
Take some time each day to write in a journal. Focus on identifying and articulating your emotions. Reflect on situations where your Feeling Self and Observer Self might have been in conflict. This practice will help you become more aware of your emotional landscape and improve your ability to express your feelings accurately.
Engage in role-playing exercises with classmates where you act out scenarios involving emotional conflict. This activity will help you understand different perspectives and the impact of social conditioning on emotional expression. It will also enhance your empathy and communication skills.
Select a piece of literature that explores complex emotions and discuss it in a group setting. Analyze how the author portrays the characters’ Feeling and Observer Selves. This will deepen your understanding of emotional nuances and the role of literature in emotional awareness.
Participate in guided mindfulness meditation sessions to enhance your self-observation skills. Focus on observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. This practice will help you become more attuned to your emotions and reduce the tendency to repress them.
Join a group discussion to explore how social conditioning affects emotional expression. Share personal experiences and consider how societal norms have shaped your emotional responses. This activity will foster a deeper understanding of the influence of social conditioning on emotional awareness.
Feelings – Subjective experiences of emotions that are often influenced by personal thoughts and perceptions. – In psychology, understanding one’s feelings is crucial for developing emotional intelligence and improving interpersonal relationships.
Self – The individual’s perception of their own identity and personal characteristics, often explored in both psychology and philosophy. – Philosophers have long debated the nature of the self, questioning whether it is a fixed entity or a fluid construct.
Emotions – Complex psychological states that involve physiological arousal, expressive behaviors, and conscious experience. – Emotions play a significant role in decision-making processes, as they can influence our judgments and actions.
Awareness – The state of being conscious of something, including one’s own thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. – Developing self-awareness is a key component of personal growth and can lead to more effective self-regulation.
Honesty – The quality of being truthful and transparent, often considered a fundamental virtue in ethical philosophy. – In therapeutic settings, honesty between the therapist and client is essential for building trust and facilitating healing.
Conditioning – A learning process in which an individual’s behavior is shaped by reinforcement or punishment. – Classical conditioning is a fundamental concept in behavioral psychology, famously demonstrated by Pavlov’s experiments with dogs.
Repression – A defense mechanism in which distressing thoughts and feelings are unconsciously pushed out of conscious awareness. – Freud’s theory of repression suggests that unresolved conflicts can manifest in dreams or slips of the tongue.
Literature – Written works, especially those considered of superior or lasting artistic merit, that can provide insights into human psychology and philosophical themes. – The literature of existentialism often explores themes of alienation and the search for meaning in life.
Psyche – The totality of the human mind, encompassing both conscious and unconscious processes. – Jungian psychology emphasizes the exploration of the psyche through the analysis of dreams and archetypes.
Compassion – A deep awareness of and sympathy for another’s suffering, often accompanied by a desire to alleviate it. – In Buddhist philosophy, compassion is considered a fundamental quality for achieving enlightenment and fostering a harmonious society.
