ClassX Video Lessons Saying no is hard. These communication tips make it easy. | Michelle Tillis Lederman
Saying “no” can be challenging and might make you feel guilty. However, it’s important to realize that saying “no” to one thing often means saying “yes” to something more important. This change in perspective can help you set boundaries and focus on your own needs.
Michelle Tillis Lederman shares a story about her husband putting a sticky note with the word “no” on her computer. This simple act served as a powerful reminder that it’s okay to say no when needed. Recognizing that it’s acceptable to decline requests is the first step in creating healthy boundaries.
When you need to decline a request, it’s important to communicate clearly. Instead of just saying “no,” you can use a more constructive approach. One effective method is to say “no, but…” This allows you to decline while still offering alternatives or solutions. For example, if someone asks you to give a free talk that doesn’t fit your criteria, you might respond, “No, but if you can gather a specific number of people and adjust the timing, I’d be happy to help.”
Using “no, but” not only softens the rejection but also provides the other person with options. You can suggest resources, connections, or other ways they might find the help they need. This approach helps maintain goodwill and relationships, even when you can’t fulfill a request.
While knowing how to say no is crucial, there are times when saying yes is appropriate. However, it’s important to qualify your yes to manage expectations effectively.
1. Yes, if…: This phrase allows you to set conditions for your agreement. For example, “Yes, if you can complete this task for me first.”
2. Yes, after…: This gives you the flexibility to agree while also establishing a timeline. For instance, “Yes, I’d love to chat after I finish my current project.”
3. Yes, with…: This indicates that you are willing to help but may need assistance. For example, “Yes, with your help, I can take this on.”
4. Yes, when…: This phrase allows you to commit to a future time. For example, “Yes, when I feel ready after completing my training.”
Mastering the art of saying no and yes is about finding balance and maintaining healthy boundaries. By using phrases like “no, but” and qualifying your yes, you can handle requests more effectively, ensuring that you prioritize your own needs while still supporting others. Embracing this approach not only empowers you but also fosters positive relationships in both personal and professional settings.
Engage in role-playing exercises where you practice saying “no” in various situations. Pair up with a classmate and take turns presenting scenarios where one person makes a request and the other must respond using techniques discussed in the article. This will help you become more comfortable with setting boundaries.
Inspired by Michelle Tillis Lederman’s story, place a sticky note with the word “no” on your laptop or workspace. Throughout the week, reflect on moments when you successfully used this reminder to set boundaries. Share your experiences in a group discussion to learn from each other’s challenges and successes.
Participate in a workshop focused on developing effective communication strategies. Practice using the “no, but…” technique by crafting responses to common requests. Work in small groups to refine your responses and receive feedback on how to offer alternatives while maintaining positive relationships.
Keep a journal for one week where you document instances when you said “no” or “yes” with qualifications. Reflect on how these decisions impacted your time, stress levels, and relationships. At the end of the week, review your entries to identify patterns and areas for improvement in boundary-setting.
Join a group discussion where you explore the concept of qualifying your “yes.” Share examples of how you’ve used phrases like “Yes, if…” or “Yes, when…” in real-life situations. Discuss the outcomes and gather insights on how to effectively manage expectations while maintaining commitments.
Boundaries – Limits that define acceptable behavior and responsibilities in interactions with others. – Setting clear boundaries in group projects helps ensure that each member understands their role and respects others’ contributions.
Communication – The process of exchanging information, ideas, or feelings between individuals or groups. – Effective communication is essential in resolving conflicts and fostering a collaborative learning environment.
Alternatives – Different options or choices available in a given situation. – When faced with a challenging ethical dilemma, it’s important to consider all possible alternatives before making a decision.
Expectations – Beliefs or assumptions about what is likely to happen or what is considered appropriate behavior. – Clearly defining expectations at the start of a course can help students understand the standards they need to meet.
Relationships – Connections or associations between individuals or groups that can influence behavior and attitudes. – Building positive relationships with peers can enhance the overall university experience and provide valuable support networks.
Empowerment – The process of gaining confidence, authority, and control over one’s own life and decisions. – Empowerment in education encourages students to take initiative and become active participants in their learning journey.
Perspective – A particular attitude or way of viewing something, often influenced by personal experiences and beliefs. – Understanding diverse perspectives is crucial in developing critical thinking skills and fostering inclusive discussions.
Flexibility – The ability to adapt to new, different, or changing requirements or circumstances. – Flexibility in thinking allows students to approach problems creatively and find innovative solutions.
Requests – Acts of asking for something to be given or done, often in a polite or formal manner. – Making respectful requests for feedback can help students improve their academic performance and personal growth.
Support – Assistance or encouragement provided to help someone achieve their goals or overcome challenges. – Access to academic support services can significantly enhance a student’s ability to succeed in university.
