ClassX Video Lessons Social anxiety: How to rewire your confidence and be a better communicator | Andrew Horn
One of the most crucial elements of engaging in meaningful conversations is the art of listening. If you’re asking important questions but not truly listening, you’re not having a conversation; you’re delivering a monologue. To avoid this conversational pitfall, it’s essential to practice active listening by “turning” the conversation rather than “taking” it.
Imagine your sister just returned from a trip to Thailand and shares her experience: “I had an amazing trip. We went to the north and the beaches in the south.” A “take” response might be, “Oh, I went to Thailand last year. We went to the beaches too.” This response redirects the conversation to a dead-end. Instead, a “turn” response would be, “Oh wow, I went to the beaches as well! What was your favorite part?” This approach shows that you heard what was said and care enough to ask a follow-up question. The best conversationalists turn the conversation more than they take it, peeling off layers to achieve depth and avoid dead ends.
Beyond asking better questions, we move into the realm of presence, which is vital in conversations. Presence is about being fully engaged in the moment, responding to what’s happening now without past stories or future fears. A technique called the “metamorphic two-step,” borrowed from hypnosis, helps cultivate this presence.
This technique involves identifying how you want to feel in social situations. For instance, if you’re anxious about attending a big tech conference, start by articulating the undesired state: “I’m worried I won’t have anything to say, or that I won’t be valued.” By naming these feelings, you begin to tame them. The next step is to articulate the desired state of being, focusing on how you want to feel instead.
Shyness and social anxiety are common, with 60% of people identifying as struggling with these feelings. It’s important to recognize that these feelings are natural and widespread. Often, they stem from comparing ourselves to others, which can lead to feelings of unworthiness. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy.
Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on being better than you were yesterday. This mindset allows for continuous personal growth and fulfillment. By committing to progress and self-improvement, you can look back and see how much you’ve learned and grown, leading to a more fulfilling life.
Engage in a workshop where you practice active listening techniques. Pair up with a classmate and take turns sharing a personal story. Focus on “turning” the conversation by asking insightful follow-up questions. Reflect on how this approach changes the depth and quality of your conversation.
Participate in role-playing exercises where you simulate different conversational scenarios. Practice distinguishing between “taking” and “turning” responses. Discuss with your peers how these responses affect the flow and engagement of the conversation.
Join a guided meditation session focused on cultivating presence. Learn techniques to stay engaged and responsive in conversations without being distracted by past or future concerns. Share your experiences and discuss how presence can enhance your conversational skills.
Conduct an exercise where you identify and articulate your undesired and desired states in social situations. Work in small groups to support each other in transforming these states. Reflect on how this practice can reduce anxiety and improve your conversational presence.
Start a journaling activity focused on personal growth and overcoming social anxiety. Write about your experiences, challenges, and progress in becoming a better conversationalist. Share insights with your peers and encourage each other in your journeys of self-improvement.
Listening – The active process of receiving and understanding messages during communication. – Effective listening is crucial in psychology to ensure that clients feel heard and understood during therapy sessions.
Presence – The state of being fully attentive and engaged in the current moment during interactions. – A therapist’s presence can significantly enhance the therapeutic alliance and foster a deeper connection with the client.
Conversations – Interactive communication between two or more people where ideas, thoughts, and feelings are exchanged. – Engaging in meaningful conversations can help reduce feelings of isolation and improve mental well-being.
Anxiety – A psychological state characterized by feelings of worry, nervousness, or unease about an imminent event or uncertain outcome. – Students often experience anxiety before exams, which can impact their performance if not managed effectively.
Shyness – A tendency to feel awkward or apprehensive in social situations, often leading to avoidance of interaction. – Overcoming shyness can be a significant step towards improving one’s communication skills and building confidence.
Growth – The process of developing or maturing physically, mentally, or emotionally. – Personal growth often involves stepping out of one’s comfort zone and embracing new challenges.
Questions – Inquiries made to gain information, clarify understanding, or provoke thought. – Asking open-ended questions in a conversation can lead to deeper insights and more engaging discussions.
Engagement – The act of being involved or committed to a particular activity or interaction. – Student engagement in classroom discussions can enhance learning and foster a collaborative environment.
Fulfillment – A sense of satisfaction or happiness resulting from fully developing one’s abilities or character. – Achieving a balance between personal and academic life can lead to a greater sense of fulfillment during university years.
Comparison – The act of evaluating two or more things in relation to each other to highlight similarities and differences. – Constant comparison with peers can lead to feelings of inadequacy and hinder personal development.
