The Science Of Falling In Love
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The Role of the Brain in Love
Love is often described in terms of the heart, with phrases like heartwarming, heart-wrenching, and heartbreaking. However, the brain plays a crucial role in the experience of love. The journey from the first spark to the last tear is guided by a symphony of neurochemicals and brain systems.
The Infatuation Stage
As you begin to fall for someone, you may find yourself excessively daydreaming about them and wanting to spend more and more time together. This first stage of love is what psychologists call infatuation, or passionate love. Your new relationship can feel almost intoxicating, and when it comes to the brain, that’s not far from the truth. Infatuated individuals show increased activation in the ventral tegmental area (VTA), the reward-processing and motivation hub of the brain. This increased VTA activity is the reason love is not only euphoric but also draws you towards your new partner.
Love’s Influence on the Brain
At this first stage, it may be hard to see any faults in your new perfect partner. This haze is thanks to love’s influence on higher cortical brain regions. Some newly infatuated individuals show decreased activity in the brain’s cognitive center, the prefrontal cortex. As activation of this region allows us to engage in critical thought and pass judgment, it’s not surprising we tend to see new relationships through rose-colored glasses.
The Attachment Stage
While this first stage of love can be an intense rollercoaster of emotions and brain activity, it typically only lasts a few months, making way for the more long-lasting stage of love, known as attachment, or compassionate love. As your relationship develops, you may feel more relaxed and committed to your partner thanks in large part to two hormones: oxytocin and vasopressin. Known as pair-bonding hormones, they signal trust, feelings of social support, and attachment.
Love and Stress
Further, oxytocin can inhibit the release of stress hormones, which is why spending time with a loved one can feel so relaxing. As early love’s suspension of judgment fades, it can be replaced by a more honest understanding and deeper connection. Alternatively, as your rose-colored glasses begin to lose their tint, problems in your relationship may become more evident.
The Pain of Heartbreak
No matter the reason a relationship ends, we can blame the pain that accompanies heartbreak on the brain. The distress of a breakup activates the insular cortex, a region that processes pain—both physical, like spraining your ankle, as well as social, like feelings of rejection. As days pass, you may find yourself once again daydreaming about or craving contact with your lost partner. The drive to reach out may feel overwhelming, like an extreme hunger or thirst.
Healing from Heartbreak
When looking at photos of a former partner, heartbroken individuals again show increased activity in the VTA, the motivation and reward center that drove feelings of longing during the initial stages of the relationship. This emotional whirlwind also likely activates your body’s alarm system, the stress axis, leaving you feeling shaken and restless. As time goes on, higher cortical regions which oversee reasoning and impulse control, can pump the brakes on this distress and craving signaling. Activities like exercise, spending time with friends, or even listening to your favorite song can tame this heartbreak stress response, while also triggering the release of feel-good neurotransmitter dopamine. And given time and support, most can heal and learn from even the most devastating heartbreak.
Discussion Questions
- How does understanding the role of the brain in love change your perspective on the experience of falling in love?
- Have you ever experienced the infatuation stage of love? How did it feel, and how do you think your brain was influencing your emotions and thoughts during that time?
- In what ways do you think the brain’s influence on love can be both positive and negative?
- What do you think are some of the challenges of transitioning from the infatuation stage to the attachment stage of love?
- How do you personally cope with the pain of heartbreak? Do you find that certain activities or strategies help alleviate the distress?
- What role do you think social support and external factors play in the healing process after heartbreak?
- How do you think cultural and societal influences interact with the brain’s role in love? Do you think these influences can shape or change the way we experience love?
- Reflecting on your own experiences with love, how do you think your brain’s activity and neurochemicals have influenced your relationships and emotions?
Lesson Vocabulary
neurochemicals – chemical substances that transmit signals between nerve cells in the brain – Dopamine and serotonin are examples of neurochemicals.
infatuation – an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something – She was infatuated with her favorite celebrity.
ventral tegmental area – a region in the midbrain that plays a role in the brain’s reward system – The ventral tegmental area is involved in the release of dopamine.
reward-processing – the brain’s ability to process and respond to rewarding stimuli – The reward-processing system is activated when we experience pleasure.
higher cortical brain regions – regions of the brain involved in higher-level cognitive functions such as reasoning and decision-making – The prefrontal cortex is one of the higher cortical brain regions.
the prefrontal cortex – the front part of the brain involved in complex cognitive processes such as decision-making and impulse control – Damage to the prefrontal cortex can affect a person’s ability to make rational decisions.
oxytocin – a hormone that plays a role in social bonding, trust, and maternal behavior – Oxytocin is often referred to as the “love hormone.”
vasopressin – a hormone involved in social bonding and aggression – Vasopressin is important for pair-bonding in some species.
pair-bonding hormones – hormones that contribute to the formation and maintenance of long-term romantic relationships – Oxytocin and vasopressin are examples of pair-bonding hormones.
insular cortex – a region of the brain involved in processing emotions and self-awareness – The insular cortex plays a role in the experience of empathy.
stress axis – a complex system involving the hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and adrenal glands that regulates the body’s response to stress – The stress axis is involved in the production of stress hormones.
dopamine – a neurotransmitter involved in the brain’s reward and pleasure systems – Dopamine is often referred to as the “feel-good” neurotransmitter.
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- Categories: Biology, Grade 10, Grade 9, Psychology, TED Ed, University, Video Lessons
- Keywords: dopamine, higher cortical brain regions, infatuation, insular cortex, neurochemicals, oxytocin, pair-bonding hormones, prefrontal cortex, reward-processing, stress axis, vasopressin, ventral tegmental area
