Have you ever wondered what keeps us healthy and happy throughout our lives? If you were to invest in your future self, where would you focus your time and energy? A recent survey of Millennials revealed that over 80% consider becoming wealthy a major life goal, and 50% aim for fame. Society often encourages us to work harder and achieve more, suggesting that these pursuits lead to a fulfilling life.
Understanding the full scope of human life and the decisions people make is complex. Much of our knowledge comes from asking people to recall their pasts, but memory can be unreliable and selective. What if we could observe entire lives as they unfold? The Harvard Study of Adult Development has done just that, tracking 724 men over 85 years to uncover what truly contributes to happiness and health.
This study, one of the longest of its kind, has survived numerous challenges thanks to luck and dedicated researchers. It began in 1938 with two groups: Harvard sophomores and boys from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods. These participants have been followed through various life paths, from factory workers to a U.S. president, experiencing both triumphs and struggles.
What have we learned from this extensive study? The most significant finding is that good relationships are crucial for happiness and health. Here are three key lessons:
Being socially connected to family, friends, and community leads to greater happiness, better health, and longer life. Loneliness, on the other hand, is harmful, leading to declines in well-being and cognitive function.
It’s not just about having many friends or being in a committed relationship; the quality of these relationships is what counts. High-conflict relationships can harm health, while warm, supportive relationships offer protection. Satisfaction in relationships at age 50 predicts health at age 80.
Good relationships safeguard not only our bodies but also our brains. In our 80s, being in a securely attached relationship helps maintain sharper memories. Even if couples argue, as long as they support each other, their cognitive health remains intact.
While the importance of relationships is timeless, it’s easy to overlook. We often seek quick fixes for happiness, but relationships require effort and are complex. The happiest individuals in our study actively replaced workmates with new friends in retirement.
So, what about you? Whether you’re 25, 40, or 60, how can you lean into relationships? The possibilities are endless. Consider spending less time on screens and more with people, revitalizing a stale relationship, or reconnecting with a family member.
As Mark Twain once said, “There isn’t time so brief is life for bickerings, apologies, heart burnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving.” A good life is built on good relationships.
Thank you for exploring this topic with me. I’m Robert Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. If you’re interested in learning more, check out my book, “The Good Life,” and visit my website, robertwaldinger.com. I hope this discussion helps you reflect on what truly matters in your life.
Take some time to write a reflective journal entry about your current relationships. Consider the quality of these connections and how they contribute to your happiness and health. Reflect on ways you can strengthen these bonds and identify any relationships that may need more attention.
Participate in a group discussion with your classmates about the findings of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. Share personal experiences and insights on how relationships have impacted your well-being. Discuss strategies for maintaining and improving the quality of your social connections.
Engage in role-playing exercises where you simulate different relationship scenarios. Practice communication skills and conflict resolution techniques that can enhance relationship quality. Reflect on how these skills can be applied in real-life situations to foster better connections.
Organize or participate in a community service project that encourages social interaction and connection. This could be volunteering at a local shelter, organizing a community event, or starting a club. Reflect on how these activities contribute to your sense of belonging and happiness.
Create a personal action plan to improve your social connections. Set specific, achievable goals for nurturing your relationships, such as scheduling regular meet-ups with friends or family, joining a club, or reaching out to someone you’ve lost touch with. Monitor your progress and reflect on the changes in your well-being.
**Sanitized Transcript:**
[Music] Thank you. What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you are going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and energy?
A recent survey of Millennials asked them about their most important life goals, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. Another 50 percent of those same young adults said that becoming famous was also a significant goal. We are constantly told to lean into work, push harder, and achieve more, giving the impression that these are the things we need to pursue for a good life.
However, understanding the full picture of people’s lives and the choices they make is challenging. Most of what we know about human life comes from asking people to remember the past, but hindsight is often not as clear as we think. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us, and sometimes memory can be quite creative.
What if we could observe entire lives as they unfold over time? What if we could study people from their teenage years into old age to see what truly keeps them happy and healthy? We did that with the Harvard Study of Adult Development, which may be the longest study of adult life ever conducted. For 85 years, we’ve tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, home lives, health, and more, all while not knowing how their life stories would turn out.
Studies like this are exceedingly rare; most projects of this kind fall apart within a decade due to various challenges. However, through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 40 of our original 724 men are still alive and participating, most in their late 90s or early 100s. We are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men.
I am the fourth director of the study since it began in 1938. We have tracked two groups of men: one group started the study as sophomores at Harvard College, many of whom served in World War II, and the second group consisted of boys from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods, chosen specifically because they came from troubled and disadvantaged families. Most lived in tenements, many without basic amenities.
When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed and given medical exams. We visited their homes and interviewed their parents. These teenagers grew into adults who entered various professions, from factory workers to lawyers, doctors, and even one president of the United States. Some developed alcoholism, a few experienced mental health issues, while others climbed the social ladder or faced setbacks.
The founders of this study could never have imagined that I would be here today, 85 years later, sharing that the study continues. Every two years, our dedicated research staff reaches out to our participants to ask if we can send them another set of questions about their lives. Many of the inner-city Boston men often wonder why we want to study them, believing their lives aren’t interesting. The Harvard men never asked that question.
To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don’t just send questionnaires; we conduct in-depth interviews in their homes, obtain their medical records, draw blood, scan their brains, and talk to their children. About 20 years ago, we invited the wives to join the study, and many responded that it was about time.
So, what have we learned? The lessons from the tens of thousands of pages of information generated by this study are not about wealth, fame, or working harder. The clearest message from this 85-year study is that good relationships keep us happier and healthier.
We’ve identified three significant lessons about relationships. First, social connections are beneficial for us, and loneliness can be detrimental. People who are more socially connected to family, friends, and community tend to be happier, healthier, and live longer than those who are less connected. Loneliness is toxic; those who are more isolated than they wish to be experience declines in happiness, health, and cognitive function.
The second lesson is that it’s not just the number of friends or whether you’re in a committed relationship that matters, but the quality of those close relationships. Living in high-conflict situations, such as unhappy marriages, can be worse for our health than divorce. Conversely, warm relationships provide protection. When we looked back at our participants in their 80s, we found that satisfaction in relationships at age 50 predicted health at age 80.
The third lesson is that good relationships protect not just our bodies but also our brains. Being in a securely attached relationship in your 80s is protective; those who feel they can rely on their partner tend to have sharper memories. Even if couples bicker, as long as they can count on each other during tough times, it doesn’t negatively impact their cognitive health.
This wisdom about the importance of good relationships is timeless, yet it can be hard to grasp and easy to overlook. We often seek quick fixes for happiness, but relationships require effort and are complex. The happiest individuals in our study were those who actively sought to replace workmates with new friends in retirement.
So, what about you? Whether you’re 25, 40, or 60, what might leaning into relationships look like? The possibilities are endless. It could be as simple as replacing screen time with time spent with people, revitalizing a stale relationship with new activities, or reaching out to a family member after years of silence.
I’d like to close with a quote from Mark Twain, who reflected on his life over a century ago: “There isn’t time so brief is life for bickerings, apologies, heart burnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving.” The good life is built on good relationships.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode of After Skool. I’m Robert Waldinger, professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and the director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development. If you’d like to learn more about my research and books, please check out my new book, “The Good Life,” and my website, robertwaldinger.com. I hope this talk helps you reflect on what is most important in your life. [Music]
Happiness – A state of well-being and contentment, often considered a fundamental goal in life and a key indicator of mental health. – Research in psychology suggests that happiness can be enhanced through practices such as gratitude and mindfulness.
Health – A state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being, not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. – Maintaining good mental health is crucial for overall well-being and can be achieved through regular exercise and stress management techniques.
Relationships – The connections and interactions between individuals, which can significantly impact mental health and emotional well-being. – Strong, supportive relationships are associated with lower levels of anxiety and depression.
Connections – The links or associations between people, which can provide emotional support and contribute to a sense of belonging. – Building meaningful connections with others can enhance one’s sense of purpose and improve mental health.
Loneliness – A subjective feeling of isolation or lack of companionship, which can negatively affect mental health. – Loneliness has been linked to increased risk of depression and anxiety disorders.
Memory – The cognitive process of encoding, storing, and retrieving information, which is essential for learning and adaptation. – Studies show that regular mental exercises can help improve memory and cognitive function.
Well-being – A holistic measure of an individual’s physical, mental, and emotional health, often used to assess quality of life. – Psychological interventions can significantly enhance an individual’s sense of well-being.
Cognitive – Relating to mental processes such as perception, memory, reasoning, and problem-solving. – Cognitive behavioral therapy is a widely used treatment for various mental health disorders.
Quality – The standard or degree of excellence of something, often used to describe aspects of life such as relationships or health. – Improving the quality of sleep can have a profound impact on mental health and cognitive performance.
Social – Relating to society or its organization, often concerning interactions and relationships between individuals. – Social support networks are crucial for maintaining mental health and coping with stress.
