Why Being Embarrassed Is Good For You

Sure! Here’s a sanitized version of the transcript, removing any inappropriate or sensitive content while maintaining the essence of the discussion:

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(quirky piano music) – Let’s go this way. Oh no, just caught my reflection; I look a bit silly. Hey everyone! I feel like people keep avoiding me, giving me a lot of space on the sidewalk. I can’t imagine why. (quirky piano music) You might be wondering how I got myself into this situation. It’s a bit embarrassing, but that’s the point. I’m trying to explore embarrassment for science.

Embarrassment, awkwardness, cringe—no matter what you call it, it’s one of the most unique human emotions and one that’s particularly hard to figure out. But if a feeling exists and has lasted through evolution, it probably has a purpose. So why do we feel embarrassment? It may not be something we enjoy; it’s a feeling most of us try to avoid. But what if embarrassment is actually beneficial?

How would you define embarrassment? – That’s a good question. – Feeling like you want to hide, feeling shame for who you are. – This awful feeling where you just kind of want to scream, “No, stop. Don’t talk.” – Feeling extremely uncomfortable. – Ooh, that was a good one. Or feeling nervous, especially with cameras rolling. – Whatever this is. – Right? I’m like, how do I describe what I’m feeling right now in this moment?

Hey, smart people, Joe here. Embarrassment is a unique emotion, but what are emotions? Scientists love categorizing things, but emotions have been surprisingly difficult to fit into neat little boxes. In fact, scientists have been struggling to settle on a universal definition of what an emotion is since the 1800s. Researchers generally agree that emotions fall into a few different categories. Basic emotions like happiness, sadness, fear, and anger pop up quickly without much conscious thought. That’s because they evolved to ensure our survival; we don’t have time to think about being afraid when we see something threatening—we just react.

But embarrassment is different. It falls into another category of emotion known as self-conscious emotions. Self-conscious emotions require more brain power than basic emotions because you have to think before you feel. Embarrassment also falls into the category of social emotions because whether or not we feel embarrassed depends on social rules.

Let’s say you just ordered food from your favorite restaurant, but can you trip and spill it all over the floor on your way to the kitchen? If you’re home alone, you might feel frustrated but probably not embarrassed. That’s because no one was there to see your mishap. Now, if you spilled food all over the floor in a restaurant and everyone stops talking to stare at you, well, in that case, you might feel a wave of embarrassment.

So what makes the home-alone scenario frustrating but the crowded restaurant embarrassing? Social context. The social evaluation model of embarrassment says embarrassment comes from anticipating other people’s negative judgment. Even though most people aren’t paying as much attention to us as we think, our fear of social judgment can create real discomfort.

Psychologist John Sabini identified three social situations that trigger embarrassment. The first is a faux pas, which happens when someone commits a social mistake. Do you have an embarrassing moment that you’d be willing to share? – I was in class, dropped my book, and accidentally made a loud noise. No one said anything, and I tried to cover it up. – I once fell into a pool at a party. – I was at a gathering, and someone embarrassed me in front of everyone.

Being the center of attention can also trigger embarrassment. For example, having the restaurant staff sing “Happy Birthday” to you can make you want to hide. And finally, there’s the sticky situation, which is when we ask someone to perform a task that we know they can’t or won’t successfully complete.

All of these are examples of situations where we’re out of step with social expectations, and teaching where the boundaries of social norms are seems to be the key point of embarrassment. But we can still feel embarrassed when we’re following all the rules. If you’ve ever been at a sports match and suddenly found yourself on the big screen, you probably know what I’m talking about.

Scientists refer to this as the dramaturgic model of embarrassment. We feel embarrassed when we can’t figure out the socially acceptable thing to do. A situation that embarrasses you may not embarrass someone else. According to emotion researcher Rowland S. Miller, people who are more susceptible to feeling embarrassment are often more concerned with following social norms and more afraid of rejection.

So, these models of emotion help us understand why we feel embarrassed when something socially awkward happens to us, but why can we feel embarrassed for other people? That’s called vicarious embarrassment. It happens when we feel awkward thanks to someone else’s mistakes. When you feel vicarious embarrassment, you’re imagining what another person is feeling, which activates particular regions of your brain associated with empathy.

These days, there’s a whole industry built around vicariously experiencing embarrassment in the name of entertainment, such as cringe comedy. Cringe comedy uses the theory of benign violation, breaking social rules in a safe environment to make uncomfortable situations harmless.

What do you think the point of embarrassment is? – Probably because we want people to see us in a certain light, and if we don’t meet that expectation, we can feel embarrassed. – I think our brains learn what should make us feel embarrassed. – From my perspective, I believe embarrassment exists to help people adjust their actions.

As the Guy In the Pickle Suit, I can say that embarrassment feels pretty crummy. But that heart-racing, stomach-churning feeling is also a sign that embarrassment is doing its job to help us follow society’s rules. Researchers think that embarrassment evolved as a way for us to maintain bonds with others by warning us when we’ve crossed a boundary.

Is there a physical feeling that you associate with embarrassment? – Definitely get rosy in the cheeks and my ears get hot. – My body gets hot, I get anxious. – It’s kind of like when you see someone you like and have those butterflies in your stomach, but then you feel embarrassed about something else.

Physiological signs of embarrassment like blushing signal to others that we recognize our mistakes and are sorry for them. We’re also more likely to feel embarrassment in front of members of our own social group versus outsiders.

Feeling embarrassed can even benefit our social group. People who show embarrassment are more likely to engage in positive behaviors like sharing and cooperating. Because embarrassment follows the rules of society, what counts as embarrassing changes from culture to culture.

Embarrassment’s ability to change our behavior explains why we relive our most embarrassing moments. By remembering our mistakes, we learn from them so that we don’t repeat them. Embarrassment isn’t our only complex social emotion; we also have empathy, which embarrassment can evoke.

So while embarrassment feels overwhelming, it actually brings us together. Knowing when we’re out of line and apologizing strengthens our relationships. That sense of connection can help us all feel less alone, even in silly situations. Stay curious!

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This version maintains the core ideas while ensuring that the content is appropriate for all audiences.