Why We Don’t Really Want to be Nice

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The lesson emphasizes the importance of embracing niceness as a valuable virtue in a world that often prioritizes ambition and intensity. It explores how historical, cultural, and societal narratives have unfairly associated niceness with weakness or mediocrity, while highlighting its true value in fostering success, creativity, and meaningful relationships. Ultimately, the lesson advocates for a reevaluation of niceness as an essential quality that contributes to a fulfilling and balanced life.

The Rediscovery of Niceness: A Virtue Worth Embracing

Introduction

In today’s fast-paced world, where ambition and intensity often take center stage, the idea of “niceness” might seem a bit dull. However, niceness is a virtue that deserves more attention and appreciation. This article delves into the historical and cultural views on niceness and makes a case for why we should embrace it as a key part of a fulfilling life.

The Historical Context of Niceness

Christianity and Niceness

For many centuries, Christianity played a significant role in shaping societal values, promoting virtues like forgiveness, charity, tenderness, and empathy. However, it also created a divide between niceness and success. The notion that successful people couldn’t be nice, and vice versa, made niceness seem less appealing to those with big ambitions. This association with failure led to the perception of niceness as a trait for “losers.”

Romanticism’s Influence

The Romantic movement, which emerged over the last 200 years, further complicated how niceness was perceived. Romantics admired individuals who were intense, creative, and spontaneous—traits often seen as the opposite of niceness. The romantic hero was fiery and unpredictable, while the nice person was viewed as mild and conventional. This cultural narrative suggested a choice between being brilliant and being nice.

Capitalism’s Competitive Edge

Capitalism added another layer to the perception of niceness by portraying the world as a competitive arena. Success in business often required ruthlessness and a lack of emotion, traits seemingly incompatible with niceness. The nice person, unwilling to engage in cutthroat tactics, was perceived as destined for failure or mediocrity.

Niceness and Sexual Desirability

On a personal level, niceness has been linked to a lack of sexual desirability. The qualities that make someone attractive—confidence, dominance, and edginess—are often seen as incompatible with the tenderness and coziness of niceness. This perception creates a false dichotomy between the pleasant friend and the dangerous lover.

The True Value of Niceness

Despite these cultural narratives, niceness remains a deeply valued and essential quality. Our memories of niceness have been overshadowed by a culture that unfairly associates it with weakness or lack of intelligence. In reality, niceness is compatible with success, excitement, wealth, and potency.

Niceness and Success

Success is often built on the foundation of niceness. Throughout our lives, we rely on the gentleness and kindness of others, especially during our formative years. The support and care we receive enable us to pursue our ambitions. Moreover, successful individuals often recognize the importance of collaboration and trust, qualities rooted in niceness.

Niceness and Creativity

While excitement and intensity can fuel creativity, they are not sustainable without periods of calm and routine. Many creative individuals find that quiet days and regular routines are essential for their work. The demand for constant excitement is ultimately sterile, whereas niceness provides the stability needed for genuine creativity.

Niceness in the Workplace

In the business world, competition between firms may be fierce, but collaboration within them is crucial. Companies thrive on trust and personal bonds, which cannot be bought with money alone. A spirit of companionship and meaning in the workplace fosters commitment and productivity.

Niceness and Relationships

In relationships, the thrill of edginess is only enticing when underpinned by trust. While fantasies may involve ruthless conquerors, real-life connections require kindness and understanding. Niceness ensures that relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect and care.

Conclusion

Niceness is a virtue that has been overshadowed by cultural narratives valuing intensity and ambition. However, it is a quality that underpins much of what we value in life. We can be nice and successful, nice and exciting, nice and wealthy, and nice and potent. It is time to rediscover and appreciate niceness as a vital component of a balanced and fulfilling life.

  1. Reflect on your own experiences: How has the perception of niceness influenced your personal or professional life, and in what ways have you embraced or resisted this virtue?
  2. Consider the historical context: How do you think the historical views on niceness, as discussed in the article, have shaped modern societal values?
  3. Discuss the role of niceness in success: Can you think of examples from your life or public figures who have demonstrated that niceness and success can coexist?
  4. Explore the relationship between niceness and creativity: How do you balance the need for excitement and intensity with the stability and routine that niceness provides in your creative endeavors?
  5. Analyze the impact of capitalism: In what ways do you think the competitive nature of capitalism has affected your views on niceness in the workplace?
  6. Examine personal relationships: How do you perceive the role of niceness in building and maintaining meaningful relationships in your life?
  7. Challenge cultural narratives: How can we shift cultural narratives to better appreciate niceness as a strength rather than a weakness?
  8. Reflect on the conclusion: What steps can you take to incorporate niceness more consciously into your daily life, and what impact do you hope it will have?
  1. Reflective Journaling on Niceness

    Take some time to write a reflective journal entry about your personal experiences with niceness. Consider moments when niceness has positively impacted your life or the lives of others around you. Reflect on how niceness has played a role in your academic, professional, or personal relationships. This exercise will help you internalize the value of niceness and recognize its presence in your daily interactions.

  2. Group Discussion: Niceness in Historical Context

    Engage in a group discussion about the historical and cultural influences on the perception of niceness. Discuss how Christianity, Romanticism, and Capitalism have shaped societal views on niceness. Share your thoughts on whether these influences are still relevant today and how they might affect your own perception of niceness. This activity will deepen your understanding of the historical context and encourage critical thinking.

  3. Role-Playing Scenarios: Niceness in Action

    Participate in role-playing scenarios where you and your peers act out situations that require niceness, such as resolving a conflict at work or supporting a friend in need. After each scenario, discuss how niceness influenced the outcome and what alternative approaches could have been taken. This activity will help you practice applying niceness in real-life situations and understand its practical benefits.

  4. Creative Workshop: Niceness and Creativity

    Join a creative workshop where you explore how niceness can enhance creativity. Work on a collaborative project, such as a group art piece or a short story, where each participant contributes ideas in a supportive and respectful environment. Reflect on how the atmosphere of niceness influenced the creative process and the final outcome. This activity will demonstrate the synergy between niceness and creativity.

  5. Case Study Analysis: Niceness in the Workplace

    Analyze a case study of a successful company known for its culture of niceness and collaboration. Identify the strategies and practices that promote niceness within the organization and discuss how they contribute to the company’s success. Consider how these practices could be applied in other settings. This activity will provide insights into the practical applications of niceness in professional environments.

NicenessA quality of being pleasant and agreeable, often associated with moral goodness in social interactions. – In philosophical discussions, niceness is sometimes critiqued as a superficial virtue that may lack the depth of true moral character.

VirtueA trait or quality deemed to be morally good and thus is valued as a foundation of good moral being. – Aristotle’s philosophy emphasizes the importance of cultivating virtue to achieve eudaimonia, or a flourishing life.

ChristianityA monotheistic religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus Christ, emphasizing love, forgiveness, and redemption. – In the study of ethics, Christianity offers a framework for understanding moral obligations through the teachings of the Bible.

RomanticismAn intellectual movement that emphasized emotion, individualism, and the glorification of nature, often as a reaction against the Enlightenment. – Romanticism in philosophy often challenges the rationalism of the Enlightenment by valuing subjective experience and emotional depth.

CapitalismAn economic system characterized by private ownership of the means of production and the creation of goods or services for profit. – Philosophers like Karl Marx have critiqued capitalism for its potential to alienate individuals from their labor and each other.

SuccessThe accomplishment of an aim or purpose, often discussed in terms of personal fulfillment and societal standards. – In existential philosophy, success is often redefined as living authentically according to one’s own values rather than societal expectations.

CreativityThe use of imagination or original ideas to create something; inventiveness. – Creativity is often seen as a key component of human flourishing, allowing individuals to express their unique perspectives and solve complex problems.

RelationshipsThe way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected. – In philosophical terms, relationships are central to understanding concepts of identity and the self, as they shape our interactions and moral responsibilities.

KindnessThe quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate, often regarded as a fundamental ethical principle. – Many religious and philosophical traditions emphasize kindness as a core virtue that fosters community and compassion.

EmpathyThe ability to understand and share the feelings of another, often considered essential for moral reasoning and ethical behavior. – Empathy is crucial in ethical philosophy as it allows individuals to appreciate the perspectives and experiences of others, fostering moral understanding and action.

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