ClassX Video Lessons Youtube Channel Teaching Without Frills Writing a Personal Narrative for Kids – Episode 6: Revising
A personal narrative is a true story about something that happened in your life. When we write these stories, it’s important to revise them to make sure they are clear and interesting. Revising means looking at your story again and making changes to improve it before sharing it with others.
There are different ways to revise your writing. You can add more words and sentences to give extra details. You can also remove words that aren’t needed or don’t add to the story. Plus, you can change words to make your story more exciting.
When you add words, think about using adjectives to describe people, places, and things in your story. Adjectives are words that tell us more about a noun. You can also use adverbs to describe actions. Adverbs give us more information about verbs. Adding details about what happened can make your story come alive.
For example, in my story about getting a dog, I wrote: “First, my mom came to my room to talk to me. She told me that since I had received good grades at school, I could get a dog. I was so excited I jumped up in the air.”
Now, I’ll add an adjective to describe my mom as “sweet.” I’ll also add an adverb to describe how I jumped: “super high.” Lastly, I’ll add more details: “You’re the best!” I screamed. Now, the reader can imagine the scene better.
Next, I’ll look for words to remove. I think about what doesn’t make sense or isn’t important to my story. For example, my next page says: “Then we got in the car to drive to the store. I couldn’t wait! When we pulled up, I saw that the store had many dogs that needed to be adopted.”
I can remove “in the car” because I already mentioned it. Also, “The store was green” isn’t important to the story about getting a dog, so I can take it out.
Finally, I’ll check for words I can change. I ask myself if any words don’t make sense or if I used a boring word. I can replace them with more interesting ones.
Here’s my next page: “When we got to the store, I looked at all of the dogs. They were all so cute. All of a sudden, one came up and licked my foot. He was white, fluffy, and so adorable. I decided he was the dog for me.”
I noticed I said “one come up,” but it should be “one came up” because it happened in the past. That sounds better. Instead of “looked,” I’ll use “gazed.” Both words mean similar things, but “gazed” is more interesting.
That’s it! Thanks for helping me revise my writing. Now my story sounds much better after adding, removing, and changing some words. Check out episode 7 to see how I edit my story.
Adjective and Adverb Hunt: Go on a hunt around your home or classroom to find objects or actions. Write down a list of these objects and actions. Then, try to describe each object with an adjective and each action with an adverb. For example, if you see a cat, you might write “fluffy cat” and if you see someone running, you might write “quickly running.” Share your list with a friend or family member and see if they can imagine the scene you described.
Story Swap and Revise: Pair up with a classmate and swap short stories you have written. Read your partner’s story and suggest one adjective or adverb they could add to make the story more vivid. Also, find one word or sentence that could be removed to make the story clearer. Discuss your suggestions with your partner and see how these changes improve the story.
Word Change Challenge: Choose a simple sentence from your story, like “The dog was cute.” Think of more interesting words you could use to replace “cute.” Maybe “adorable,” “charming,” or “delightful.” Write down your new sentence and draw a picture to match it. Share your sentence and drawing with the class and see how many different ways you can describe the same thing.
**Writing a Personal Narrative: Episode 6 – Revising Your Story**
A personal narrative is a true story about your life. You can write about something that has happened to you. When we revise, we ensure our writing makes sense. We also make changes to enhance our writing before we publish it.
There are several different ways you can revise your writing. You can add words and sentences to include more details. You can remove unnecessary words or those that don’t contribute to the meaning. Additionally, you can change words to make your story more engaging.
When you add words, consider incorporating adjectives to describe the people, places, and things in your story. You can also add adverbs to describe the actions or verbs. Or you can include more details about events that occurred.
Here’s an example from my personal narrative about getting a dog:
It says: “First, my mom came to my room to talk to me. She told me that since I had received good grades at school, I could get a dog. I was so excited I jumped up in the air.”
Now, I’m going to add an adjective. I’ll use the word “sweet” to describe my mom. Next, I’ll add an adverb. I’ll say “super high” to describe how I jumped. Lastly, I’ll add some more details: “You’re the best!” I screamed. Now the reader can better imagine what happened in my story.
Next, I’ll remove some words. I can think about what doesn’t make sense and what isn’t important to my story to help me decide what to take out.
My next page says: “Then we got in the car to drive to the store. I couldn’t wait! When we pulled up, I saw that the store had many dogs that needed to be adopted.” Did you hear anything that didn’t make sense? Oh yes, I can remove “in the car” because I already mentioned that. Did you hear anything that wasn’t important? I think “The store was green” isn’t really important; it doesn’t relate to me getting a dog.
Lastly, I’ll check for any words I can change. I can ask myself what doesn’t make sense. If I used a word that doesn’t fit, I can change it. I can also replace any boring words with more interesting ones.
Here’s my next page: “When we got to the store, I looked at all of the dogs. They were all so cute. All of a sudden, one came up and licked my foot. He was white, fluffy, and so adorable. I decided he was the dog for me.”
Did you hear a word that didn’t make sense? Oh, when I said “one come up,” I should have said “one came up” since it happened in the past. That sounds much better. How about a boring word that I could change? I think I’ll change “looked” to “gazed.” Those words have similar meanings, but “gazed” sounds much more interesting.
That’s it! Thanks for helping me revise my writing. Now my story sounds much better after I added, removed, and changed some words. Check out episode 7 to see how I edit my story.
