How Steven Seagal Once Disarmed a Nuke

On April 10, 1952, in Lansing, Michigan, an extraordinary baby was born, who would go on to achieve movie stardom, work for the CIA, become an Aikido black belt, and disarm a nuclear device. This baby was named Steven Seagal, and his life achievements are…well…questionable. For a brief period in the 80s and 90s, this fighter took Hollywood and the world by storm, but some things about him weren’t adding up. Hero or conman? We investigate the wild life and claims of Steven Seagal to bring you the truth about one of entertainment’s most bizarre figures.

The best way to get into the unbelievable life story of this man is to break it up into subsections. So let’s start with…Steven Seagal, The Man Of Indeterminate Ethnicity: After being born in Michigan, Seagal moved to California when he was five years old with his mother and father. His mother, Patricia Anne Fisher, was of Irish descent, and his father, Samuel Steven Seagal, was of Russian and Jewish descent. For most people, all this would just be introductory background information, but for Seagal, these are already disputed facts. For example, his father may have been of Russian-Jewish descent, but he was born in Rhode Island, meaning Seagal is at least two generations removed from Russian immigrants.

It was a little surprising then to see Seagal, in multiple interviews, deciding to speak in a Russian accent. Though that might be puzzling, much like other celebrities who have adopted different personas, Seagal also claimed at some point that “[his] mother was American Indian.” At another point, he was quoted as saying, “I don’t know what color I am, but I know one thing…I was the only one that wasn’t Black that I knew that played exactly like them because I was raised with them.” It should be noted that while saying this, he adopted a rather unusual imitation of an AAVE accent.

Seagal’s relationship with Russia, in particular, is quite interesting, but we’ll get to that later. Because first we have to talk about…Steven Seagal, Martial Arts Master and Fighter: Growing up in California, Seagal began studying Aikido, which he fell in love with and excelled at. In 1971, he decided to move to Japan to further perfect his craft. Some cynical naysayers suggest he might have done so to avoid the draft for the Vietnam War, though we’re certain a self-proclaimed badass like Seagal had nothing to fear from military conflict. Then in 1974, he returned to the U.S. – coincidentally, the year after the Vietnam War had ended.

Once there, he met Miyako Fujitani, the daughter of an Aikido master, whom he would follow back to Japan later that same year and eventually marry. She would also eventually become wife number one…of many. While in Japan, Seagal claimed to study under the founder of Aikido, Morihei Ueshiba. One small issue with this claim is that Ueshiba died in 1969, while Seagal himself didn’t step foot in Japan until 1971.

During his time in Japan, Seagal also started hinting that he had single-handedly fought off the Yakuza, one of the most intimidating organized crime groups in the world. His wife at the time couldn’t corroborate this version of events but did remember her husband chasing away two drunk strangers who were bothering them at some point. Perhaps they were undercover Yakuza.

Undercutting his claims of fighting off the Japanese mob is also the fact that the martial art Seagal had mastered, Aikido, has come under fire in recent years for not being very applicable in self-defense situations in the real world. It focuses on using your opponent’s momentum against them, but usually works best in dojo or choreographed situations with a single opponent coming straight at you.

Further undercutting his claims is the fact that in 1993, when his wife Miyako was interviewed by Spy Magazine, she stated, “The only reason Steven was awarded the black belt was because the judge, who was famous for his laziness, fell asleep during Steven’s presentation. The judge just gave him the black belt.”

Speaking of his first wife, you may remember we said she was to be the first of many. So we need to talk about…Steven Seagal, Certified Ladies’ Man. While married to his first wife, Miyako, Seagal cheated on her with Adrienne LaRussa, whom he also married while still married to his first wife. He then proceeded to cheat on both wives at once with model Kelly LeBrock, whom he married after his divorce to his first wife was finalized, and his marriage to his second, concurrent wife was annulled.

Today, he is married to a woman named Erdenetuya Batsukh, a dancer from Mongolia, with whom he had a son named Kunzang. This is in addition to his seven children by various women, three grandchildren, and his guardianship of Yabshi Pan Rinzinwangmo, the daughter of a Tibetan protester.

Steven Seagal: Movie Star. Here is one piece of information that we can factually confirm: Steven Seagal, despite all odds, was, at some point, a bonafide movie and action star. In 1987, he was hired to play his first part in the action movie “Above the Law,” opposite Henry Silva, Sharon Stone, and Pam Grier. The movie, made for a relatively low budget, grossed almost $19 million dollars.

Of course, the reason he was hired is a classic example of the entertainment industry’s “who you know” values. Seagal was lucky enough to have Michael Ovitz as a pupil, who also happened to be one of the biggest talent agents of the time and the co-founder of Creative Artists Agency – CAA – which remains perhaps the most significant talent agency in the world today. His acting skills, as any viewers of Seagal films can attest to, were definitely not what got him through the door.

Regardless, Hollywood never passes up an opportunity to squeeze all the money they can out of someone, so he was subsequently cast in a string of action hero roles that focused on his Aikido skills. His next movies included “Hard to Kill,” “Marked for Death,” and “Out for Justice,” all of which made good money at the box office and kept Seagal in demand.

This would lead to Seagal’s biggest movie yet, the 1992 hit “Under Siege,” with Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey, which garnered great critical reviews in addition to box office profits. “Under Siege” would be the pinnacle of Seagal’s career, followed by perhaps one of the most rapid declines any star has ever seen.

You see, certain aspects of Seagal’s performances and persona started to wear on the industry and the general public. His insistence on a mysterious all-black wardrobe and classic ponytail, the way his acting never seemed to improve, and all the times he actually hit the stuntmen he worked with, unsurprisingly led to a lot of stuntmen not liking him.

One turning point came when, in 1991, Seagal appeared as a guest host on “Saturday Night Live.” The action star’s complete inability to laugh at himself, propensity to degrade the rest of the cast and writers’ room, as well as his desire to make the entire show focus on the epicness that is Steven Seagal, rubbed a lot of people the wrong way.

Years later, David Spade wrote of Seagal’s appearance, “I think that was the first week that I heard talk about replacing the host and just doing a cast show.” Producer Lorne Michaels thought the episode went so badly that he stopped it from being broadcast as a rerun, and banned the actor’s return.

Years later, he would poke fun at the disastrous guest appearance in a gag with that week’s guest, Nicholas Cage, in which he reassured Cage not to worry about seeming like the biggest jerk who’s ever been on the show, as that would be Steven Seagal.

This complete inability to be a team player or perform anything seriously started to hurt Seagal’s career. In his first movies, the focus was on his action stunts and his intimidating physical presence – Seagal stood at six feet four inches and was a physically fit man at the time.

However, Seagal now found himself at the height of his popularity and earning potential and decided he needed to take charge of his career. Since he had some admirable environmentally conscious leanings, he also decided his movie needed to have a message, to be more serious than what he’d done so far, but still involve beating up a bunch of bad guys.

This led to the 1994 film “On Deadly Ground.” Even the presence of seasoned actors like Michael Caine, Joan Chen, and R. Lee Ermey couldn’t save this mess. Seagal plays a hero firefighter and environmental vigilante named Forrest Taft – do you get it? Forrest? Like a forest? We just wanted to make sure – who goes up against an evil corporation by the name of Aegis Oil.

Caine, perhaps sensing from his first day on set that any effort was futile, made the interesting choice to fully retain his distinctive accent while playing a Texas oil executive. Seagal, as a director, continuously presented himself as a demigod revered by all who come near him.

Perhaps the strangest part of the film was Seagal’s insistence on presenting himself as a pacifist who is loathe to hurt a fellow human being while making movies focused on his martial arts skills. This led to the interesting conundrum of having Seagal’s characters frequently espouse pacifist views while systematically beating several men to a pulp in every single film.

Seagal’s offscreen persona didn’t help matters either. His ego ran over everything and everyone around him. On one set, Steven emerged from his trailer stating, “I’ve just read the greatest script ever written.” When his co-star asked who wrote it, Seagal responded, “I did.”

He kept alluding to a mysterious past in interviews that seemed quite laughable to some. That’s because Seagal, at least in his memory, had another important and secret chapter in his life he was just starting to share.

Steven Seagal: CIA asset, Green Beret, badass. In an interview with the Los Angeles Times, Seagal once stated, “You can say that I lived in Asia for a long time, and in Japan, I became close to several CIA agents. And you could say that I became an adviser to several CIA agents in the field and, through my friends in the CIA, met many powerful people and did special works and special favors.”

The strange thing is…it was only Seagal saying these things. The CIA never gave any response, as presumably, they had better things to do. Strangely enough, when later in his life, Seagal was put through a basic CIA drill, he showed a complete inability to use a map or compass.

Apparently, though, Seagal was in such high demand by U.S. government organizations that he wasn’t satisfied with just the CIA. He told stories about training with the Green Berets and spoke to a veteran about his time in the Navy Seals.

However, there was one instance where he started panicking in rough waters, almost drowned, and had to be saved by ex-mercenary Gary Goldman.

However, the strange stories didn’t stop there…Steven Seagal: Ambassador to the Shadiest Parts of the World. Perhaps thanks to his Russian ancestry, Seagal has always felt a special kinship to Russia. This may be why Vladimir Putin gave Seagal the “Order of Friendship” Award, described as “an award given to foreign nationals whose works, deeds, and efforts have been aimed at the betterment of relations for the Russian Federation and its people.”

In response, Seagal said he considered Putin “like a brother.” He also obtained citizenship in Russia in November 2016, in addition to his U.S. and Serbian citizenships. Perhaps that’s because he supported the Russian annexation of Crimea, a stance that got him permanently banned from Ukraine, or perhaps it’s because he advertised and lobbied for a Russian firearm company.

More likely, according to Putin spokesman Dmitry Peskov, it was after Seagal “requested it with enough insistence.” The good news is that Seagal returned the favor by acting as Putin’s personal bodyguard when the Russian leader was mobbed by a group of schoolchildren.

But Serbia – why Serbia, you may be asking? Well, we can’t be entirely sure, but it seems that the Serbian prime minister hired Seagal to train his soldiers on how to be more…Seagalian. Your guess as to what that means is as good as ours.

At some point, Seagal also gave the Venezuelan president Nicolas Maduro a katana from his very large sword collection, and the President called him his brother. If you’re wondering why Seagal was giving Maduro gifts in the first place, it’s because he was a special envoy from Russia to Venezuela.

Perhaps the most fascinating life achievement claimed by Seagal is being the first private citizen to disarm a nuclear device, stating that he’d dismantled a high-risk Russian nuclear missile. In order to do this, he donated $100,000 to either a Japanese city or the Global Nuclear Disarmament Fund, depending on which version of the story you read, so the local mayor would let him disarm a nuclear weapon.

While Seagal’s general affinity for authoritarians around the world is interesting, it’s far from the most interesting thing about him…Steven Seagal: A Man of Contradictions. The Aikido master and action star has, at some point, claimed to be a Buddhist. But not just any Buddhist convert – according to a monk from Palyul monastery, Seagal is the reincarnation of a 17th-century treasure revealer who found an ancient hidden text and who himself is the reincarnation of one of the major disciples of Padmasambhava.

Additionally, the outspoken pacifist, environmental activist, and animal rights activist is also an antiques expert. He has declared himself the “world’s foremost expert” on antique swords, claiming that major auction houses call him to authenticate any samurai swords they come across.

Steven Seagal: Lawman. Thanks to his extensive background in law enforcement and military training, at least according to himself, in the 1980s Seagal was given the ceremonial rank of Reserve Deputy Chief by Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana. Seagal was also sworn in as Deputy Sheriff of Hudspeth County, Texas in 2011.

Around the same time, he was also being extorted by the mob. His long-time producer thought Seagal should pay up and decided to call his friends in the Gambino crime family to convince Seagal to do so. However, despite his history of single-handedly taking down the Yakuza, Seagal thought it might be a good idea to get the police involved this time.

However, perhaps wondering what to do now that he had conquered Hollywood, the world of martial arts, disarmed nukes, and taken down crime families, he decided to continue his stint as a police officer. Seagal ended up on reality TV.

From 2009 to 2014 he starred in a show called “Steven Seagal: Lawman” on A&E, which had a hit season opener, premiering to 3.6 million viewers. In this show, Seagal ran around Louisiana cracking down on crime. Of course, he had to do that with actual police officers next to him, because in a surprising turn of events, it turns out ceremonial cops can’t actually arrest people.

The show was briefly suspended in 2010 when someone brought a lawsuit against Seagal for serious allegations, but quickly resumed. Since then, he has undertaken plenty of other ventures as well. He sings and tours with a band called Thunderbox, has sold aftershave and homeopathic oil, and got involved in crypto by promoting a cryptocurrency that was quickly revealed to be a scam.

Today, the 71-year-old Seagal spends his time living in his two homes in Los Angeles and Louisiana with his wife and seems to be maintaining a relatively low profile. But the man, the myth, the legend…will live on.

Now check out “Weird Celebrity Conspiracy Theories Too Crazy to Believe” or watch this video instead!